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One of my friends is going to a life coach to make a major end to a relationship. 

When he told me, I was gobsmacked. I actually thought he had more brains than that. He knows what he wants to do with his life and is only navigating the emotions of other people around it. So why would you go to an uneducated, course taking life coach?

You wouldn't.

So many people make stupid decisions because they think they have picked the right person. Perhaps they liked the way that person made them feel or the pretty dress they wore on that day. Maybe the person agreed with everything they said, which many A type personalities like.

Don't get me wrong. Life coaches are great for employees most of the time, but not always. It depends on who you get. But when you are making a major relationship and life change, and your thought process is around how you are making the other person feel and move on - a life coach is the last place you would be going.

Perhaps, that choice is a cop out and maybe the person really isn't looking for a result other than to have a chat every other week with a "life coach". Passes the time, right?

While psychologist understand what's going on inside the heads of both parties and can help navigate the easiest, less hurtful way to end a marriage, a life coach is simply asking you questions and will ask them for months, if not years, as they are not qualified to do the same. If you know what you want you wouldn't need a life coach, you would use common sense and be careful with how you handle the other persons feelings.

What ultimately happens when one wants a divorce and the other is happy (or at least they think) in a loveless marriage, is that the one wanting out is trying to push the other to make the move so that they are not the bad guy/girl. Typically, they frame their actions to temporarily upset the other.

Signs your spouse wants out:

  1. They ignore problems
  2. They don't want to discuss issues around the actual relationship
  3. They won't argue per se with you as they could not be bothered. They don't care enough about you to expend that energy.
  4. They are always busy.
  5. They spend as much time as possible with their children and anyone else they can have around them to avoid any one-on-one time with you.
  6. They avoid being home unless of course its the weekend and they want to spend time with their kids. During the week, they do everything possible to avoid being with you or interacting with you.
  7. They don't want to spend time with you so they don't do weekly date nights.
  8. They have every excuse to not spend time one-on-one with you especially if they have kids. Kids are a great buffer.
  9. Most of the time, you will have no idea of where they are spending their time or what they are up to.
  10. The gym is their favourite place.
  11. They enhance their physical appearance; buy new clothing, manscape etc.
  12. When they are seriously thinking of divorce, they will start to make you feel unloved and insecure by words and actions.
  13. They are cold and distant.
  14. The bedroom is a chore. If they actually do perform, they are not thinking of you.
  15. They become serious workaholics either covering for affairs or just to make sure they don't spend time with you.
  16. While they don't have time for you, they have time for your children and everyone else.
  17. There are no real smiles at  you where they look you in the eyes and smile.
  18. They are never home, except weekends if they can avoid it. 
The truth about divorce with children is that kids are resilient and they bounce back. It is hard for a while but ultimately it becomes better for everyone as long as everyone reminds kind.

Change is good. Anything is better than living an unfulfilling life. It's not until you embark on the path of divorce and begin to piece your lives back together that you discover the real price of freedom.

There's an article in the SMH regarding choices of making life changing personal relationship decisions based on uneducated, and under qualified life coaches; "Anyone can be a life coach, so is it time to ask: who is really coaching you?"

You can complete a 3 day course and be a certified life coach.

Other instances are when a person fails in their career and becomes a life coach and even though they may have some life experiences, they are perhaps not the best person to be helping you make a life changing marital decision.

Through their "training", they ask questions. If you don't know an answer, it's usually followed by "if you did now the answer what would it be".

Most half intelligent people come to the conclusions that if they don't get an "answer" they are in fact not getting anywhere. 

Life coaching and psychotherapy is unregulated and basically anyone can put the sign on the door. They can even do an online course. Makes you feel really comfortable discussing things that can change your life doesn't it.

People that are psychologists or psychiatrists offer more. They have studied the human psyche for years and through experiences are able to over a well-rounded approach. The more experience they have, the better.

Psychologists are trained to not only help people deal with issues from the past, and manage stress in the present, but to help individuals design their future lives.

Many say that if you are looking for a life coach, ask them for their college qualifications. I couldn't agree more. 

Another aspect that is interesting in this whole scenario is that when people are contemplating separation, they usually are yearning to be free from loneliness even though they may be surrounded by their partners (wives), children and friends. But silence is deafening. It can be soul destroying. People worry that divorce may not be the right decision. They don't want to hurt their spouses or children. They panic at the thought of being alone. They worry about finances and the fear of the unknown.

But the idea of living in a loveless marriage is a death sentence. They are trapped in putting on a face fro the outside world, and being internally trapped in misery.

The verdict: If you really care about outcomes, go to a professional - not a quack.

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Mellissah Smith

Mellissah Smith is a marketing expert with more than 20 years experience. Having founded and built two successful marketing companies internationally, she is well recognized as a industry thought leader and innovator. Mellissah started her career working with technology and professional services firms, primarily in marketing, public relations and investor relations, positioning a number of successful companies to list on the various Stock Exchanges around the world. She is a writer, technology developer and entrepreneur who shares her thoughts and experiences through blogs and written articles published in various media outlets. Brag sheet: #2 marketer to follow on Twitter (2003), Top 150 Marketers to Follow (2015), Top 10 innovative marketers (2014), 60K+ followers on Twitter with 97% authentic.

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